Alone
by Koujo
Summary: Non-yaoi! Heero looks back at his life. Gundam Wing is mixed in with Edgar Allen Poe's 'Alone.'


.:Alone:.

  


author: Koujo 

email: kuraiko@hotmail..com

URL: http://destined.to/koujo

finished: 2000

rated: PG

type: Gundam Wing, Heero Yuy's POV

pages: 3 

  


disclaimer: All the standard ones apply. I don't own the Characters. I own only the idea.

  


author notes: Please send my C&C, flames are welcome too. 

  


  


  


"'From childhoods hour, I have not been

As others were, I have not seen,

As others saw, I could not bring

My passions from a common spring.

From the same source, I have not taken.

My sorrow, I can not awaken.

My heart to joy from the same tone,

And all I loved, I loved alone.

Then in my childhood, in the dawn,

Of a most stormy life, was drawn

From every depth of good and ill,

The mystery which binds me still

From the torrent, from the fountain

From the red cliffs of the mountain

From the sun that round me rolled

In it's autumn tint of gold,

From the lightning in the sky,

As it passed me, flying by.

From the thunder, and the storm,

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view.'" 

Heero recited the poem in his head over and over again. He never knew why, but he always felt that this simple poem explained him. Explained him deeply. Yet he couldn't figure out why. It was this wonder that had captured him, he sat on a window sill repeating it to himself.

  


"'From childhoods hour, I have not been

As other were, ...' I guess that makes sense. I didn't really have a childhood. Unless you count being a professional assassin," Heero sighed and continued with poem. 

"'...I have not seen,

As other saw, ...' Hummmm.... I guess this explains the fact I see war and everyone else sees peace. I see my Gundam as an ally and they see it as an enemy." Heero continued to the end of the poem, content that he had figured out why it resembles him. Again he glanced at the 22 line poem. "It is called 'Alone.' Boy, if only it knew; how truly alone I feel."

Heero looked out the window, the sun was hidden by the clouds that came the previous day. It had begun to rain a few minutes ago. Heero swung the window open and let the rain fall on his face and body. Heero watched nature prepare for the coming storm. "Hn. They are ready for the demon." 

  


"'From the lightning in the sky,

As it passed me, flying by.

From the thunder, and the storm,

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view.' So this is my demon. I wonder what this 'demon' holds for me." Heero stood and watched the rain fall. 

  


The others were all on missions and he, he was watching the rain. Heero thought about the other Gundam pilots. They were all good pilots, but were any of them truly his friend? Heero knew that they would turn to him for help on a mission and he knew that they looked to him for guidance and support and stupid stuff like that. But do they really care for ME? Probably not. Why should they? Heero left the little room and walked to the

hanger that held his Wing Gundam.

  


'And all I loved, I loved alone.' That line hung on Heero's mind. Loved? I've never truly loved anything. Everything is a mission, an obstacle. One that much be breached. I will love, but what? I don't know how to love.

  


Heero left the hanger. He found his way back to the window and sat again. The rain poured down his face and his clothes quickly became soaked in the spring rain. Heero looked at his darkened shirt. "Rain. I love rain." Heero looked up to the sky, the falling droplets stung his eyes, but Heero could care less.

  


"What am I? Am I person? Am I worthy to be a person?" Heero asked the silent, dark room. Only the rain answered him. Heero listened to the sounds the rain made as it joined life on Earth. "Water... it all starts somewhere. Rain starts are a stream or lake then the sky claims the water. But the water is cunning and escapes in rain." Rain. 

  


Heero loved the rain. He remembered something Duo had once told him..."Heero man, if you ever find someone or something that means more to you then life, then give up whatever it takes to keep it. If you can keep it then you too can one day be happy. Who knows you might even smile."

  


Whatever it takes. Heero again watched the rain. Whatever it takes? 

  


"I found what I love. Am I worthy of being with it?" As if to answer Heero's question the rain, carried by the wind, circled Heero. The rain seemed to be waiting for him, wanting him, watching him, beckoning him, loving him, trusting him, honoring him and only him. 

  


Heero stood and jumped from the window out into the storm. 'And all I loved, I loved alone.' Heero looked around him. "Rain is part of nature." Heero took a gun from his pants and looked at it. Almost expecting it to jump from his hands and run. But the gun only slept in Heero's hand, waiting to be used. Heero again looked at the sky, the rain, the nature, the peace. Heero felt scared, excited, and hate all at the same time. But it was these feelings that left a smile on Heero's lips. His face brightened and Heero looked... happy.

  


Duo's words came to Heero's mind again, "...you might even smile." 

  


Rain is part of nature. The soil is the natural highway, water courses threw it. If I can become part of the soil then the rain will come and take me with it. Heero lifted the gun.

  


Heero closed his eyes, smiled and took in the feeling of the rain on his face. Heero's mind played back a memory for him. It was of him at a much younger age. Maybe 4 or 5, playing in the rain. The young Heero sat down in a pool of water that collected during the storm and looked at his reflection. "'And all I loved, I loved alone.'" The young Heero said. 

  


Heero had never seen this memory before, but could faintly remember where he knew that line. Not from the poem he had just been reading, but from someone. A woman, his... mother. Heero's mother used to say that simple line to Heero ever since Heero's dad died. Heero knew why the the young Heero sat in the pool of water, that was the day his mother was killed.

  


The sound of the gun shot blended in with the sounds of the rain. Clouding the rejoining of a family, long forgotten. Only the rain remembered, only the rain knew. 

  


'And all I loved, I loved alone.'

  


End

  


Remember to tell me what you think. *^.^*

  


  


  


*Alone by Edgar Allen Poe 

  


**The troubles of the young are soon over; they leave no eternal mark. If you wound the tree in its youth the bark will quickly cover the gash; but when the tree is very old, peeling the bark off, and looking carefully, you will see the scar there still. All that is buried is not dead. The barb in the arrow of childhood's suffering is this - its intense loneliness, its intense ignorance. ~Olive Schreiner's Story of an African Farm


End file.
